Chapter 23 - I’ve contemplated suicide every day of my life since the age of eleven
My ability to procrastinate knows no bounds
I’ve contemplated suicide every day of my life, since the age of eleven. My ability to procrastinate knows no bounds. Eleven is when I first said out loud that I hated myself, that I shouldn’t have been born, and that I wanted to die. But to say that you want to die isn’t really accurate — you want to live, and you want for your life to have meaning; it’s just that you strongly suspect that it’s never going to happen.
At a very young age, a voice in my head told me that I’d be dead by the age of 30. I say it was a voice, but it was more like a certainty. It told me that I only had a finite amount of words in me to write, and that when I was done, I’d be gone. But it also told me that somehow these words were more important, so no matter what, I had to get my work done.
And, I believed it. I was angry and impatient as…
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